Bipolar and the Frequencies of Moods

Human beings function unlike any other creature. We have multiple aspects of self that are all oscillating at different frequencies and different speeds. The main ones are emotions (mood), cognition (thoughts), and energy (activity).

Most people have a rate of change that is in response to events of in their lives, their general attitude and things like diet exercise etc. For example you may be particularly physically active and eat a healthy diet which will give you a higher frequency than someone who say, drinks and smokes all day.

Things like drugs can artificially inflate the rate of our thoughts and energy temporarily and reduce them later. Tragic life events like the death of a family member or the loss of a job will reduce our general levels of mood which will affect our thoughts and our energy. Good things will excite us and brings things up.

This is not necessarily the case for people with mental illnesses like bipolar disorder. Depression, anxiety, personality disorders and the like are similar to bipolar. With these disorders our energy cognition and mood are not directly related to life experience instead, they take on a life of their own.

Mood disorders take over our lives and make us feel like an entirely different person. We are not ourselves and worse, people often treat us as the person that we present as, not the person underneath the horrible trap of disease. It’s up to us to crawl through the process of finding a doctor who understands us, to find medication and therapy that helps us uncover our true selves to peek through the veil of disorder in the hopes to be seen and reclaim ourselves all the while our minds bodies and emotions are going haywire in a way that we have no control over.

This process is incredibly difficult but it is possible. The journey looks different for everyone but the underlying goal is the same. We want to return to feeling like ourselves and have our minds body and emotions respond to life rather than taking on a life of their own.

I suffered from mixed state ultradian cycling bipolar disorder. This means that my emotions thoughts and energy levels would change throughout the course of a day hourly. Sometimes my feelings emotions and thoughts would be very high and race, creating euphoria and uncomfortably racing thoughts. Other times my thoughts would race but my energy levels would be absolutely bottomed out with my emotions so low I would feel suicidal. I wouldn’t want to actually kill myself but my feelings were taking on a life of their own. I would have so little energy I couldn’t even make myself breakfast.

Over time I got these energy shifts to calm down so that they would stop changing so rapidly. I was pretty much in a permanent state of low energy low emotions and hazy thoughts. This was actually progress in that the shifts slowed down but I still had to find a way to raise my emotional health.

Finally after ten years and trying 54 different medications and Electro convulsive therapy I finally reached the point where my emotions and feelings were consistent. I have an amazing network of dozens of friends who support me through all of it. I also created a network of doctors and therapists who were always there for me. From 17 to 33 I struggled but I did finally make it. Most of all I was blessed with a mother who stayed with me every step of the way. I also had to overcome alcoholism complex PTSD constant panic attacks and learn to trust and relate to people forming firm friendships that have lasted for years and years.

What I hope people can take away from this is that those of us who are going through these things really are people. Healing is our responsibility but we are human beings. Our diseases make us appear different.

For those of us that are going through it, I know that healing is absolutely possible. I had to go through a dozen therapists and 32 medications in the past year alone. My journey took me 15 years but with dedication and commitment I refused to give up and when it seemed impossible I often had to look my fear in the face and decide that I make my own destiny and I can achieve anything. It sounds corny and naive but it is possible.

We all have differences in emotions and energy and clarity of thought. We can return to a place of normalcy. Everyone experiences this even if it is in a less severe manner. I know that all of us can take back control of our lives and live the beautiful lives that we were meant to have.

Please share your experience thoughts and hope below!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s