Bipolar and the Frequencies of Moods

Human beings function unlike any other creature. We have multiple aspects of self that are all oscillating at different frequencies and different speeds. The main ones are emotions (mood), cognition (thoughts), and energy (activity).

Most people have a rate of change that is in response to events of in their lives, their general attitude and things like diet exercise etc. For example you may be particularly physically active and eat a healthy diet which will give you a higher frequency than someone who say, drinks and smokes all day.

Things like drugs can artificially inflate the rate of our thoughts and energy temporarily and reduce them later. Tragic life events like the death of a family member or the loss of a job will reduce our general levels of mood which will affect our thoughts and our energy. Good things will excite us and brings things up.

This is not necessarily the case for people with mental illnesses like bipolar disorder. Depression, anxiety, personality disorders and the like are similar to bipolar. With these disorders our energy cognition and mood are not directly related to life experience instead, they take on a life of their own.

Mood disorders take over our lives and make us feel like an entirely different person. We are not ourselves and worse, people often treat us as the person that we present as, not the person underneath the horrible trap of disease. It’s up to us to crawl through the process of finding a doctor who understands us, to find medication and therapy that helps us uncover our true selves to peek through the veil of disorder in the hopes to be seen and reclaim ourselves all the while our minds bodies and emotions are going haywire in a way that we have no control over.

This process is incredibly difficult but it is possible. The journey looks different for everyone but the underlying goal is the same. We want to return to feeling like ourselves and have our minds body and emotions respond to life rather than taking on a life of their own.

I suffered from mixed state ultradian cycling bipolar disorder. This means that my emotions thoughts and energy levels would change throughout the course of a day hourly. Sometimes my feelings emotions and thoughts would be very high and race, creating euphoria and uncomfortably racing thoughts. Other times my thoughts would race but my energy levels would be absolutely bottomed out with my emotions so low I would feel suicidal. I wouldn’t want to actually kill myself but my feelings were taking on a life of their own. I would have so little energy I couldn’t even make myself breakfast.

Over time I got these energy shifts to calm down so that they would stop changing so rapidly. I was pretty much in a permanent state of low energy low emotions and hazy thoughts. This was actually progress in that the shifts slowed down but I still had to find a way to raise my emotional health.

Finally after ten years and trying 54 different medications and Electro convulsive therapy I finally reached the point where my emotions and feelings were consistent. I have an amazing network of dozens of friends who support me through all of it. I also created a network of doctors and therapists who were always there for me. From 17 to 33 I struggled but I did finally make it. Most of all I was blessed with a mother who stayed with me every step of the way. I also had to overcome alcoholism complex PTSD constant panic attacks and learn to trust and relate to people forming firm friendships that have lasted for years and years.

What I hope people can take away from this is that those of us who are going through these things really are people. Healing is our responsibility but we are human beings. Our diseases make us appear different.

For those of us that are going through it, I know that healing is absolutely possible. I had to go through a dozen therapists and 32 medications in the past year alone. My journey took me 15 years but with dedication and commitment I refused to give up and when it seemed impossible I often had to look my fear in the face and decide that I make my own destiny and I can achieve anything. It sounds corny and naive but it is possible.

We all have differences in emotions and energy and clarity of thought. We can return to a place of normalcy. Everyone experiences this even if it is in a less severe manner. I know that all of us can take back control of our lives and live the beautiful lives that we were meant to have.

Please share your experience thoughts and hope below!

Mental Illness & The Law of Attraction

I’m just as much of a New Age Hippie as anyone else….who reads blog posts with “Law of Attraction” in the title. I’ve been eating kale since I could chew and went to my first yoga class when I was in the womb. I’ve been to the workshops, reiki training yoga training, I’ve cleansed my crystals, prayed to shiva on my mala chattted with my inner child and…you get the picture. 

Cultural appropriation aside, I love my spirituality. One of the most powerful things that I got from it was the power of manifestation. It’s definitely real. There’s books on it and if you actually follow them they will probably work for you. most people don’t and fail but I can attest that this stuff is real.

I’ll be forever grateful to Abraham, Louise Hay and Co but seriously guys, on certain things we need to chill the fuck out!

I was diagnosed with depression when I was eight, Bipolar in my twenties along with alcoholism PTSD and another long list of horrifying things. I listened to Abraham Hicks night and day, knowing that something was wrong and I had to learn the skills necessary to achieve the impossible-people with the number of and specific types of the things I suffered from more often than not die at their own hands. This was a fact. Many a doctor corroborated this fact. I chose to win instead. 

To quote my incredible doctor today “Ammanuel, you continually beat the odds.” Yeah I read a book on how to warp time and space to work in my favor. Miraculous? Yes. Easy? Certainly not. Impossible? Certainly not. 

The thing is that I had to learn that it isn’t all magic. Yes I knew that I was going to overcome all of the obstacles but what  I had to learn is that it often took a long time, was confusing frustrating and brutal. They always skip that chapter in the LOA (law of attraction) books. 

Also, I had to escape the trap of actually believing that I was causing the diseases myself through “bad thoughts” the only way that I was causing myself harm was by turning down medical help for years because I figured that I would just miraculously heal myself. Turns out the real miracle was that I eventually listened to and applied the solutions that were sitting right in front off me the whole time. 

So when it comes to “manifesting” just chill out…the path may lead you to some incredible out of this world coincidences but it also might just work out that the things that you’re asking for are in front of you hiding in plain sight. 

Miracles are hard to miss. Mundane, conventional solutions really aren’t that exciting but are often the most effective easy and rewarding “responses” to our prayers.

Choose To Win (The rest will fall into place)

                          “In my experience there’s no such thing as luck, just a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.”

                         -Han Solo

Over the years, I have received some pretty incredible compliments. Aside from my striking resemblance to a “Young Denzel Washington” the one that is most meaningful is the observation that I seem to be quite “lucky.” Now anyone who watches Star Trek Discovery understands that Context Is King…we’re talking about the type of luck that gets you out of life or death situations, or small things that seem to work in my favor despite brutal life experiences. 

I agree that my life is filled with a good amount of grace and wonderful human beings but the truth of the matter is that we all create our own luck, or to quote Han Solo “In my experience there’s no such thing as luck, just a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.”

What I mean by creating my own luck is that most of the time we create our experiences by planning, thinking things through, taking various variables into account and then taking the best course to get us to where we want to be, I find this method to be very effective at achieving mundane tasks that are well understood like brushing my teeth or taking a walk down the street. 

If I have to learn how to do something new I can read instructions by a trusted expert, take a class or ask a friend. But what if I’m trying to do something that seems impossible to me? What about something that hasn’t been successfully accomplished by someone else before or we just simply have no idea in hell what to do and no one else seems to either?

This is where we have to decide that we are going to win and then, acting on that assumption take the next steps. What’s wonderful about this process is that it puts you into a positive state of mind even though you have no idea how you’re going to succeed meaning that at least the placebo effect on your side. Secondly it mentally opens you up to possiblities that haven’t occurred to you before. It opens gateways into life that you may have never thought existed. 

This attitude prevents you from over thinking, the one caveat is that you have to have a lot of confidence in yourself or at least faith that it’s going to work out. The best way to gain this confidence in our ability to almost miraculously find ways to get whatever we want or need, we need to practice practice practice. Over time you will get better at it which will lead to more success which will raise your confidence which will then generate more success. Soon enough, the impossible will feel like a challenge rather than a roadblock. 

This is the key to living the life that you truly want.  The path to getting precisely what you want is being able to get there through roads you don’t even know exist…or else you’d probably always be there. 

I’ll explain many of the ways that I have learned to do just this in my next post.

A return to Awesomeness!

Over the next few months I will be sharing my insights into this particularly interesting life as well as the lessons struggles and most importantly what turned an unlivable life into an undeniable success, allowing me to continually beat the odds, give the middle finger to the impossible and succeed on my own terms. 

I’m writing this because I really wis that someone had written this for me. May it be insightful.
Make sure to sign up for the mailing list. I ensure you that there will be hilarity and compelling stories and I promise, completely absent of any pug pictures, celebrity gifs or pictures of models doing Yoga handstands on the beach (what’s up with that?!)

Love your life,

     Ravi Ammanuel Desta Santa Anna