Intuition and the manifestation process

The thing about manifestation is that we need a certain set of skills in order to do it properly. I’m sure that many of you have read The Secret and other new age spiritual books and they’re great, and they work, and while there is a lot of problematic victim blaming, in this world they are a great first step towards harnessing our ability to create the life of our dreams.

With this said, the process becomes more complicated as we open up to the spiritual forces that allow us to channel our imagination into reality. First of all, we have to understand on an individual level: How does this actually work in the first place?

There is indeed a method to this ostensible madness. So when we manifest and open to the universe, we are using our 6th (and hopefully) our 7th chakras to connect to our ability to tap into the psychic and spiritual realms, respectively and draw the energy that we desire into our lives.

This is all well and good but in order to live a life of integrity, compassion and love, we have to do so much more than open ourselves to spiritual and psychic realms. A being who has not purified their mind, body, and emotions from the traumas in this world will both be overwhelmed by the premature opening into a greater world.

This is why so many new age devotees seem to be simply floating around in their imagination rather than sharing the world that the rest of us are in. I speak from direct experience, and am not encouraging judgement, but rather offering a path to integration.

Psychospiritual integration can start in any way and at any point in your life. It could be argued that it begins even before we are born but certainly when we draw our first breath.

My experience was that of a spiritual awakening in which my energy centers simultaneously awakened, revealed my path to wholeness and then led me to where I am now. I initially woke up in the standard kundalini awakening, with the standard symptoms of shaking, feeling a profound yet ineffable connection to all that is in the universe, with an almost physical yet etheric atonement to the life force around me.

I don’t think that I had any understanding the chakra system but certainly understood that there was an energy awakening within me that was traveling up my spine, destined to reach the top and it would come back down and that was basically what I had to do. What I learned later is that this process is called a kundalini awakening and shakti returns. There was rapture, love, connection, bliss, awakening to immense pain, trauma, and then, there was a need for it to end.

What I didn’t understand is that it does not end and what was happening-what I perceived as pain love connection, were all just energy sorting itself out. In fact, kundalini has its own intelligence. My energy centers-these balls I saw inside of me-had their own intelligence.

The process of awakening had begun and I was now merely a spectator-but instead of embracing this-I just tried to calm it down and stop it-but the crazy thing is that this energy just does not care about you! And I worry about people who are entering into this arena of growth, as I did long ago without any guidance or warning sings.

Anyway, I was seventeen, literally shaking with rapture and making ancient yogic hand symbols. There was a knowledge that something beautiful was happening and I was going to be perfectly okay and at the same time the conscious mind-the part of self that I identified with, was totally confused.

Now that part still exists. I’m conscious of it. I’m aware off it. But that is the only part that was confused. My body knew what to do. My soul knew what to do yet I was blossoming underneath the conscious sense of self-which was confused. It was confusing suffering with explosions of spirit. It thought it was failing but it was excelling at growth, I was committed for my entire adult life to allowing the flow to overtake that part of us which worries, thinks, and you know I thank it because it was trying to protect me.

The ego took medications and created seveere illnesses, it found solace in lovers and friends and adventures and demanded life or death experiences to let it know that it was truly free and alive.

I think most of all a that moment, when I was seventeen and the white light descended upon me, it waas time for that fictional sense of self to retire. To take a well earned nap.

It had guided me through the loss of my father, the depression of my mother, navigating the demands of modern society on a small child, being raped, tormented, overwhelmed….but most of all it kept me here while my soul yearned for home.

My ego thought that hte only way back home was to die. So for years I fought off the desire to end my life because I remembered how great things were before. What I was to learn is that it is my right-all of our dive RIGHTS to create a home here, on earth where our souls and flourish. And this is possible. And I’m going to dedicate the rest of my life to making that possible.

It seems to be my truth that in fact energy and our bodies are one. It’s not mind that is the problem…there is no problem. Butthe truth is that mind is a tool to be used by being. At our heart we are one with the universe. We can read books about chakras and manifestation and spirituality but all of this is to get mind to a point where it realizes that reality, true reality is an ocean in which we are both the entirety and a part…and when we transcend mind this reality is not dual but one continuous flow of energy. And embodying and being that truth is what creates the world in which we can all be truly free.

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Let’s talk about Chi.

obi wan blog

I never really like to talk about this, but I was kind of born feeling seeing and simply have a knowledge of what’s referred to as chi. For some reason prana seems to esoteric, life force seems to woo woo, but we all know what chi is. It’s much more concrete, mapped, established, and codified in chinese medicine, disciplines such as kung fu and tai chi, chi has always been a tangible part of my reality.

I took this for granted for most of my life. Everyone else just seemed blind. When I was a very little (precocious) kid, I thought I just saw atoms. When I was a punk teenager I thought “duh there’s a universal energy field connecting all things; everyone else is an idiot.” When I had a profound manic episode, I was convinced that everyone was energy vampires. In later adulthood I realized that I just had a gift that probably way more people had than those who spoke about it.

I never wanted to be one of those people who you’d meet at yoga retreats who would go on at lengths about their connection with angels or something similar. Often times (by all means, not always) these people seemed to be making up for some unexplored side of their ego with their spirituality. I decided that being more reserved was the proper way to relate to the most intimate parts of my life. In general I think that is a pretty reasonable way to relate to most things, although I by no means have always lived this way.

I’m writing about this today because I’m realizing that I am in need of energy healing. I’m a certified energy healer, which is funny, because I hate doing it. I actually have a lot of resentments about growing up being generally energetically aware. Most people who are sensitive to energy are not as sensitive as I am, making me feel lonely amongst those with whom I wished I could relate. In this sense, I’m sensitive about being sensitive.

The beautiful part of the journey has taken hold. I’m particularly empathetic, I understand myself and relate to others particularly well, in general. I’m in awe of the beauty of the universe. My day to day involves a connection that I pray our president could experience for like, a billionth of a second. That’s great.

But I’m in pain. I’m not sure if it’s the isolation that this has caused me. The irony is not lost on me. I don’t just sympathise with people but I vividly see and feel what other people are going through. Connection is very real for me. And because so few people experience the world to this degree of intensity and connection, I feel as though I lack peers with whom I can relate.

I can relate to people. I very seldom feel that I relate with. 

With that said, I have built a beautiful network of humans who sincerely do care and listen. I have chosen my friends very carefully. They are numerous and, while we are all beautiful snowflakes these people, even those with whom I haven’t spoken in years are incredibly special.

I guess I’m in pain because these people are so amazing, and this world is so amazing the overwhelming connection almost gets in the way of enjoying them. In any event, I need to take care of myself on the level of someone who perceives chi. I’ll go to acupuncture and receive some more reiki, go back to tai chi or kung fu…I’ll take care of myself.

I guess I just wanted to share that I have felt so lonely for so long publicly. I’m by no means complaining. It’s the very thing that makes me feel connected to life that makes me feel very alone. It’s a fair trade. But in acknowledging that, I realize that I’m sure I’m not alone.