Relationships & The Law Of Attraction

love and relationships

I’ve come across several of friends suffering from relationship issues this week so I decided that there was need for this post.

Relationships are great as soon as you don’t need them. It’s simply the way it works. When we have discovered ourselves to the point where we’re simply not looking for them, the relationships will come, but what do we do?

We grow.

Relationships, like water, seek their own level. We’re simply not going to find the person we’re “looking for” unless we’ve grown to the point where we’re not looking. Or we can settle, which is absolutely fine. In fact, most of us do this, it’s just that we’re settling at a level that is perfect for us for a period of time. 

I’ve done the whole manifest a relationship thing and while it worked, every time, I continually found one thing in common: the relationship was as healthy as I am.

To quote Mooji, “If you’re (single and) looking for the love of your life, you don’t know how lucky you are…” “Finding the love of your life can become a life sentence.”

I’m sure that this isn’t the advice that anyone is looking for. But the hunger to find the perfect person simply arises out of a feeling of being incomplete. Perhaps there’s something deeper that you’re actually craving; a connection, not necessarily romance that is out there.

Romantic relationships are a tool of growth, of happiness and can be incredibly awesome. But they will  challenge you to grow. They will challenge you to even examine your desire for relationships, and that is beautiful.

But like all of life’s beautiful things, they are ultimately transient and more importantly demand growth of some sort and growth is uncomfortable at times. So, I highly suggest a smoother transition. Let go of what doesn’t work and dare to be single. Perhaps you’ll find something deeper and even more fun!

I mean, the point of life is definitely much more blissful and enjoyable than struggle. Why not enjoy yourself and take the easy path until fun finds you?

I don’t intend for this or any of my posts to be definitive truths. I’m actually more interested in what other people have to share than my current truths. I dare to share my perspective to see what other people have to say.

 

 

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Pain and change. 

3 months ago I set out to treat bipolar disorder. In short it seemed intractable; I had two types of bipolar, both were notoriously hard to treat. Ultimately I succeeded. 

In just the last year out of a lifetime of searching for medication I had tried 34 different medications. 

One caused me to black out and collapse regularly. One offered me a skin disease. Had I not treated it it would have devoured my skin and killed me. 

So I tried ECT. So for a month, every other day I would go to an office where they tranquilized me, knocked me out, and  induced seizures that caused short term amnesia. 

My symptoms went away. Bipolar completely went away. I succeed. 

After a week i began to feel anxiety and depression creep in. But I noticed it wasn’t bipolar. 

After investigation I learned that I had been living with debilitating chronic pain. This means I was constantly exhausted and could not do work go to school or leave the house. 

I found the cause of this. I had been meditating my emotional stress all these years with copious amounts of sugar, caffeine and nicotine, mainly cigarettes. 

After 2 weeks I had stopped smoking. I moved on to e cigarettes and cut down on caffeine and nicotine use down to 1/4 of what I used to use.

My body began to thaw out. I introduced high quality omega 3, a trinity of anti inflamitory supplements vitamins and changed my diet. 

I had cut out what was making my muscles inflamed and I could sleep. For one night in years I had true restful sleep. I was starting to feel energy again. 

I had been eliminating the source of my inflammation that was causing pain. 
But then the emotions I was coping with would flare up. Under stressful stimulation my anxiety and pain returned. 

So I’ve been teaching myself to reduce stress. I worked with a. Therapist a physical therapist and a doctor. 

I no longer needed most meds. But the depression came back, only this time situational. 

Like so many with pain I became depressed with the debilitation of not being able to do anything and its cousin demoralization. 

So I stayed taking anti depressants. Depression, much like pain increases your pain sensitivity and reduces your ability to produce pain reducing chemicals in your body. 
Short term use of pain killers is great for many situations. But long term they depress you cloud your thinking and most importantly, your pain signals get stronger so that they can make it through to your brain, resulting in more needed pain killers and continuing the cycle. I could not do this. 

So now I have quit cigarettes near bipolar and things got simpler. I have a plan that is working. 

Slowly eliminate nicotine and caffeineso that I can sleep soundly and heal. Introduce chemicals that naturally reduce inflammation inside and outside of my body. Gently-GENTLY stretch and work my body. Take anti depressants that reduce my need for self medication with coffee and cigarettes as well as reduce pain and fatigue. 

This combined with therapy support and applying what energy I have to make my life support joy is the next steps I’m taking. 

I have a way out now. 

I said goodbye to alcoholism long ago. After years I successfully treated mental illness. I then treated the underlying illnesses. I have begun both creating and reinforcing pleasurable and supportive relationships. I have learned to be kind to myself and compassionate to others through my understanding of what suffering and it’s self reinforcing cycles do to people. 

I have had the luxury of automating my laundry and groceries so that I can focus my energy on what I can do. 

I have read hundreds of books on spiritual development psychology physiology positive thinking pain management and mental illness. 

I have been practicing yoga meditation breathing exercises. I have decided what I want in my future and committed to writing down and working towards my dreams. 

I have refused to give up and have dared to hope and forced myself to plan and work. 

Most of all I learned how life can take many turns but it’s our spirit that stays constant. So my life now has to be dedicated to supporting that. 

The worst part of the pain is being separated from a clear mind and a thriving soul. My priorities are now creating a foundation in which I can thrive. 

So many trivial things seemed so important. Now I see what is important and valuable. 

The most valuable thing I have outside of me is the love and support of others. The purpose of my life is creating a foundation in which I can thrive and help others do the same. 

So, in the end, as this nightmare SLOWLY begins to end and the light of day peeks through time and time again, I have learned what my values are. 

Treat others with compassion. Suffering takes many forms, compassion is powerful and abundant if we access it. 

Take care of myself. It’s easier to be nice and happy that way. The less we suffer the more we thrive and sharing that is meaningful. 

Finally, my life is meant to serve my soul. By that I mean the creative capacity to love others share joy and be in the moment. 

I also learned that impossible situations are rarely that. With the help of others the worst circumstances can create lifelong rewards. 

Stop competing at me! How to deal with the jealousy of others.

We’ve all had people who compete at us in life but success is a shared event; there’s more than enough to go around. Unfortunately, not all people have realized this and thus try to “take” success from others by competing at them.

When two people who are yet to understand this get together they usually engage in completive behavior. Be it over romance, friendships or status it is ridiculous and draining. But we do not have to participate. We can simply allow the other person to be, and go on living our lives.

In my experience, I keep in mind that the other person is working through their own issues of insecurities or self-hatred and project who they want to be onto me or someone else and then feel like they have to pull me down to their level or somehow become better than me.

What’s going on in the minds of other people is unimportant save for our ability to have compassion patience and clear boundaries with them. We have to understand that others are in pain so that we don’t lash out and engage in this dramatic interaction. We have to retain our ability to love or dismiss people in a way that creates peace with us and we have to tell them to stop when we need to protect ourselves.

The beautiful thing about responding to those who compete at us is that, in my experience, after a long time, they inevitably want to befriend me. They often emerge into self-awareness, apologize and sometimes have deeply changed into loving warm human beings. I often (not always) invite them back into my life. Some of the deepest relationship have been created this way.

 

Making the life of our dreams. A difficult labor of love.

I like to make my own schedule but I’m great at showing up on time. I’m an efficient worker in and outside of groups and I’m self taught and well educated in a wide range of areas. I also like working in classrooms.

I’m aware that most people just haven’t cultivated these skills. It’s hard but the rewards are awesome!

Self direction and discipline are perhaps the most rewarding and rare of learned skills. In a country full of people who revel in the concept of individualism, you’d figure that more of us would actually be skilled at running our own lives.

The reality is that it’s hard, it’s scary and we’re taught to follow the leader from pre-school until death.

But what if we slowly took back that power and became more autonomous, more self taught and self disciplined?

What if we slowly took back our schedules to accomplish our own personal goals and took back our minds and imaginations so that we could dream up and create our dreams.

These dreams are the lives that would truly fulfill and sustain us emotionally, mentally, spiritually, creatively and physically.

I’ve started doing this. And it is hard and uncertain. However it is the only path of life that I am willing to take. A path made for me and by me.

A letter to those moving through tough times

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I’ve struggled with some health problems for decades. They’re the sort of things that most people go their entire lives without sorting out.

I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t going to give up, no matter what. There were times when I was tempted but every time I had a loved one tell me that giving up wasn’t an option.

I was walking through hell with sometimes only an imaginary light at the end of the tunnel. About thirty years later I’ve turned that light into very real concrete solutions and I am building a life around that journey, extracting all of the good, throwing out the garbage accumulated (mental, physical and emotional) while healing the wounds. This is always a process but it’s made me stronger for it. And all of the spiritual truisms I’ve heard along the way such as “everything happens for a reason” “you never have more than you can deal with”, I have lived, experienced and embodied.

In the end I am the amazing man I’ve always dreamed of and have truly learned to love all of him.

The hope in this story is that we ALL have trials and growth opportunities to move through in life. Sometimes victory seems out of reach or can’t be seen at all. This is when we must reach out to others. To learn how to trust and connect. Most of all, if you’re going through helm you must keep going.

The other side of what you’re going through may not look like what you think but it will be GOOD! And you’re worth it. More importantly if you think that you can’t get through your trials, look yourself in the mirror and TELL yourself that you can.

Also if you think that you’re putting off your own healing journey, just begin now. The whole world can and will help you. I know this from experience from the bottom of my heart. And sometimes the help you’re looking for may be different than you thought. Stay open have hope and move forward.

I believe in all of us. I believe in me and in you too.

Sincerely,
Ammanuel.

What is love? My definition, my inspiration and a question for you.

I’m a big fan of self-love. Actually, love in general. While this is hard when in pain depression grief or any situation, it’s often part of the solution as well. Love has gotten me through it all. Especially love from others.

I had to ask myself “what the heck is love anyway?!”

And I learned that it is something that comes before words yet can inform them.

It’s something that I can express within my actions, thoughts and words but can only define for myself.

So let’s define! For me, love is the impulse to connect, to survive and thrive, to grow to share and to protect and nurture.

I suppose it’s analogous to the will to live but it is also life itself.

Some cultures have many different words for different kinds of love. My love of say, my iPhone is one of appreciation of an object that I relate to daily, and there is sentiment attached. I am protective of her and sometimes neglectful. I make sure that she gets recharged while I sleep.

My love of my body is in many ways different. Boy also has needs such as sleep food nurturing, care, is touch sensitive but has a much more intimate relationship with me. I’m a big fan of body too. However I would never ever return him to the apple store for a new one. Very very attached. Without him, this life would end! I’m eternally grateful for this vehicle through the third dimension :p

My love of self, the divine and the souls I encounter along the way is much more sacred to me. This connection I see as eternal. Now while my body and iPhone are very helpful for facilitating connection with other people, it is my love of humanity that is most important to me. It keeps me going. Gives me invaluable purpose that can endure any pain.

It’s this love that has given me the strength to see myself through disease, addiction, hopelessness and despair.

Because I love you guys. And even after years of feeling isolated and disconnected I persevered because I wanted to feel connected to you again.

So thank you, humans for being so wonderful that I want nothing more than to hang out and be a part of the coolest pack of mammals in town (sorry dolphins)

🙂

What does love mean to you? How has it play a role in your life?
– with love, Ammanuel

The Tao of Alcoholism: How To Be Awesomely Proactive & Propassive

Pre-gaming is a great concept that often gets a bad wrap, because of its roots in binge drinking culture.

Once upon a time I was the master of this form of pre-gaming, drinking before going to the bar or party, to better “prepare” oneself for upcoming fun. I matched this proactive approach to my alcoholism along with the positive expectation that everything will work out and my night would be great.

This practice accomplished two things: Taking action ahead of time to ensure desired results (Proactive Awesomeness) as well as expecting things to fall into place (Propassive awesomeness).

It was around this time of my life when I first encountered Taoism, which is all about taking action when necessary and just chilling when there is nothing to be done. This creates a serene relaxed life that is also productive.

It’s occurred to me that these are pretty much the same thing.

I no longer drink but I apply these principles (as well as possible) to all aspects of my life. I tell myself “I’ve already won and everything falls into place.” It works so well it seems like magic but here’s how it actually works:

When I walk into a situation well prepared and expecting the best I am open to every opportunity for things to work my way and I accept them with grace. By expecting things to fall into place I allow myself to NOT interfere with things that area already working in my favor.

The opposite of self sabotage, I’ve now created a positive self fulfilling prophesy!

This is also an age old Taoist teaching. Knowing when to act and when not to interfere. This creates an effortless “non action”, meaning that my actions are in harmony with the moment and thus with the universe.

And then there is passivity, which is knowing when not to do a thing. This allows me to not worry and be fully prepared and relaxed for when things have to get done.

All of this allows me to be in tune with spirit and get what I want at the same time! (Having my cake and eating it too is Awesome!)

Try it out! Tell me how it works for you!

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