Inner Genius Pt. 2

There is definitely a genius in all of us. It comes out in different ways. It might be the amazing love that you put into cooking or the care and attention you give to details (a good accountant is PRICELESS) or simply listening to people so they feel heard.

This genius is indicative of the ability we have to love and connect. I have a friend who identifies as…a bit antisocial. Which is funny, it’s exactly why we had such a great bond! Anyway, I went over to this guys house and he brought together so many wonderful people, fed them and helped them connect. He has an innate loving, paternal soul and that was his genius that day. 

So, I want you to think about this. What are the dark spots in yourself that might terrify you, perhaps drag you behind, make you procrastinate or even worse, give you panic attacks or chronic illness?

I assure you that these things you see as faults when listened to can and will be transformed into something beautiful. It requires patience and dedication. It’s possible. I’m literally writing a book about it so instructions are coming, eventually! I’ll share my personal experience with this later. Thanks for checking out my thoughts!

Awesome Inner Genius: A how to (start)

So, the trick to being human and retaining your dignity and power in late-stage capitalism (or is this just the Kali Yuga? I digress. The power inside of humans is an untapped genius. We all have it.

The way that this comes about in most people, is that they find themselves in seemingly impossible situations so they just…go inside and grab that stuff to bring it out.

But you don’t want to go through all that trauma so I’ll just tell you how to do it. Read at your own risk.

Get a piece of paper and write down everything you want in life no matter how improbable, expensive, benevolent, shameful, or simply Authentic. 

Write it down. I had to vomit, literally as I wrote it down because it was so repressed. When we know what we want, we then are called to action to make it happen. It’s a hard way to live but this is as authentic as it gets. Your wants may change but this is the start of staring yourself in the face.

Now, look at them, what are the top three, most important, and most accessible of all of these?

You got it?! Good. You may have just found out that you want to date your neighbor instead of your boyfriend, or that your real calling is to skydive onto pig island.

Well, congrats, you’re now in the bravest 90th percentile of humans.

So what you have to do is make that happen. And this is where the practice of getting what you want combines with spiritual growth. Or…just being the badass genius that you are.

So what is your desire? Own it! Look at that, what would it take to achieve what you actually want in life? Will you have to grow out of relationships that no longer serve you? Will you have to leave your job for something more lucrative to afford days of skydiving onto beaches of porcine love? Or do you simply want to write that book you never got around to?

You can do these things now that you’ve realized it.

Now the next steps are yours. Hopefully, your mind is wrestling with these internal angels. By mulling over these problems and owning them, we eventually come out more integrated, less afraid, more relaxed and with a new found love.

It’s your journey but I assure you that the part of your Self that desires to integrate want and have is the very part that you are looking for (not some terrible nightmare of a personality flaw)

This is looking like an entirely. Just keep in mind that you’re awesome, genius, and Divine.

Ammanuel Desta Santa Anna



The thing about the law of attraction

I recently read a really great article about the dark side of believing in the law of attraction on Psychology Today. While the article’s purpose, ostensibly, was to refute the existence of the Law of Attraction, what it really did was explain just how toxic and damaging subscribing to these beliefs can be.

I’ve written about some of my experiments with what is basically new age magic, and it certainly is a real thing. People have been believing in and practicing these things since the beginning of time I’m sure.

What is important to note, and what I myself have failed to recognize is the incredible toll these practices can take on the users, psychologically emotionally and physically. The thing is that one can, actually will things into existence. The mechanisms at play aren’t what’s important. Human beings and the Universe are infinitely complex. (Yay!)

The fact that this pseudoscience claims to be based in quantum physics (a cursory understanding of the movement of very small things will quickly disprove this) does not negate its reality. It only goes to show the scientific ignorance of the “spiritual” teachers. Which is fine.

The fact that the logic behind the law of attraction can be heartless, only shows that the teachers of this practice don’t really want to be around those who are suffering. Most very successful people aren’t really that compassionate, in general.

I’ve found all of this to be true and I highly recommend reading the series of articles above especially if you are a believer in New Age thought. We need to be critical and balanced in all of our beliefs. Unless fundamentalism is your thing. But we all know where that leads…

What’s important to note is that the law of attraction isn’t necessarily the best way to live your life all the time. I naively acquired this ability because I had suffered from trauma and didn’t understand how the universe worked. I was confused because my childhood was so confusing. In response to this, I studied lots and lots and lots of metaphysics and this was one of the many “tools” or belief systems I stumbled upon.

One of the biggest problems is that it is an unsustainable way to live life. It also lacks heart. One of the most important parts of being a human is taking action, making mistakes, and gradually getting to our destinations. Taking our time to learn about ourselves, sharing experiences with others and most importantly, sharing our authentic selves, are a solid path to a rich, fulfilling life. Magic has a place in this life, for some of us, some of the time.

I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this sort of spiritual practice to anyone. It’s definitely a useful skill to carry in your back pocket but everything comes at a cost. And the emotional, spiritual toll this particular belief system has, at least for me isn’t worth it the vast majority of the time.

Does it exist? Yes. Is it worth devoting your life to? (because let’s face it, we’re describing a religion here) Maybe a little bit. But I’d suggest manifesting a free coffee for fun, rather than creating enormous life goals that demand constant scrutiny of thoughts, emotions, and experiences. It’s much better to simply love life and enjoy a path with heart rather than one that promises things that you probably don’t even want.

Well, that’s my experience anyway 🙂

Synesthesia: I love seeing a rainbow of emotion

“Mommy, mr golf is scaring me”

The 9 hole set looked ominous in the corner, his eyes looking menacingly aroun dme. The emotion was deep blues and purple, enveloping the room around me with a beautiful hue leaving this object that felt physically, mischevous

No one could have told me that I feel the presence of physical objects as if they were inside of me and I see my own emotional states projected as colors and objects in the world around me.

The dark night of the soul is interesting when it is quite bright all around you. The next 34 years of my life would be complete with ups downs and feedback loops of obsessing over the very feelings I had about seeing feelings outside of me…and I survived.

Outside of this, I have learned enough life lessons to fill numerous tomes and I know myself much, much better than I ever would need to. I have met some of the most beautiful souls in the largest spectrums of colors.

For me the reality of it all was simply my mind folding in on itself, seeing itself in and on everything until one day I demanded a better reality…torn between Hindu mythology and the impoverished academic state of the mental healthcare system, I chose a third route, checked out the science of it all and realized that I simply had the emotions of a painter and the nervous system that plugged into everything around me.

The takeaway could be summarized with what my mom told a friend of hers. Seeing that i’m ‘colorblind’ I once painted a turtle purple. Probably more a reflection of how I saw mr turtle feeling rather than looking…my mothers friends told me that turtles weren’t purple…to which she defended me saying you’re not allowed to dictate my sons perception of relaity….ahhh, to be born to humanities students. 


Anyway, that’s enough for now. 

Manifest with Yin Energy

How to manifest with the masculine. 

We use words to manifest with the Yin energy. We also use visualizations and actions. Here we are trying to get what we consciously want out and into the world to get what we want. 

Say we want a new car but don’t have money for it. In the morning we will write down that we are so grateful for our new car 20 times. We will affirm in the mirror that we already have that car! In the afternoon we will go to the dealership and take it for a test drive imaging that it is ours. At night we will visualize us in this new car. There Is a catch and we Will go over that tomorrow!


EMDR is the most powerful fast and efficient form of trauma healing I have experienced. What EMDR does is help you assimilate memories too traumatic for your conscious mind to digest on their own.

EMDR was developed by a psychologist who was thinking about her life issues while looking left and right in the central park and found, essentially, that things seemed better than before her walk. She hypothesized that this was due to her looking back and forth and thus stimulating both parts of the brain; by activating left and right brain activity while processing her problems, she was accelerating the speed at which her brain could make sense of them.

Or something like that. Anyway, it makes for a great picture and a great story. The fundamentals are the same. In EMDR, a trained therapist will wave their fingers back and forth in front of your face or use some other method that will stimulate the left and right parts of your body while they ask you a bunch of things about something horrible that happened to you.

The result is that when you’re done, the impact of whatever it is you’re treating will lighten or go away entirely. This isn’t without consequence. I’ve never done EMDR without finding myself off, or anxious for a day or two afterward. Regardless, EMDR is often the silver bullet of trauma treatment and seriously should be used more as a first line defense against PTSD but, you know humans, we are really averse to temporary discomfort in the name of long-term stability. So…there you go! That’s EMDR; if you’ve experienced this, are thinking about it or are interested in the healing process, comment below. I’ll put up a video on youtube about this momentarily (not everyone learns from the written word!) and I hope that you’re having a great week!

Healing Modalities: Internal Family Systems

One of the many powerful healing modalities I have used in my process is that of Internal Family Systems or IFS. IFS takes the psyche and turns the different parts of it into individuals with relationships-a user-friendly way of looking at our inner depths, as we are already human and know how to have relationships with other people.

While the premise of looking at our inner lives in terms of a community of beings within us sounds overwhelming, well, it certainly can be, but what’s most important is that it can be a very effective, gentle, and smooth way of healing.

Rather than dismantling the self and putting it back together, here we tend to the relationships to the different parts of the self and help our unconscious work harmoniously. In my experinece, it works tremendously well.

IFS is based around the Self, the part of us that is always awake, present, and powerful. The parallels between this and other healing modalities quickly become apparent. IFS elegantly fuses Buddhist principles of compassionate detachment, the observer, and the Jungian concepts like the vast and varied unconscious.

This is a very deep process of befriending yourself, learning about the self, and has the power to heal everything from relationships to behaviors to psychological and psychosomatic physical disorders.

There are a lot of great places to start and tons of resources out there. This is a practice that is basically free as you can do it yourself, within a group or with a trained therapist. I highly recommend using the myriad online resources and published materials out there to start if this seems interesting to you.