Freedom from Shame of Shame

One of the least fun things in life is shame!

It’s like we’re apologizing for something that isn’t even our fault. What happens when we feel shame or less than is that we hide it, and like most people, we don’t want to be hiding constantly. It’s exhausting and BORING!

What happens then is that we become ashamed of the fact that we have things we carry around, shameful secrets that are probably just normal and human, but we haven’t yet realized that it’s all perfectly okay. So we are ashamed of shame.

What do we do?

Well, the reason that shame sticks around for so long is that it is something we’ve dubbed negative that we have to expressbut there are rarely areas of life where people can publicly and freely just share those things, otherwise it wouldn’t be shame it would be stuff we’re just waiting to get off our chest. So we need safe places to share, discharge or move that energy around.

The three things that help the most with this are established areas like support groups, who aren’t going to share your secret with others. These are great in that you can meet lots of other people who have had a similar experience and in sharing, and normalizing what you have been through, will lift the burden of shame immeasurably.

The second is through a higher power, any belief systems such as an ancestor, a pet (they keep things to themselves) or any other way to let it known to the universe at large what you are experiencing. Psychologically this brings that mental energy outside of your body and your being and into the world that you experience…it is literally taking outside of your head and putting it somewhere else. Even just writing it down can have this effect. The whole purpose is to unburden you. Shame is a silencing burden. So to fight it we give it a voice and we lighten the load.

Finally, is EFT Tapping? This is the silliest and most fun way to release shame. In this practice, we tap on ourselves, generally near what people call energetic meridians but what I think is going down is that we’re stimulating our bodies, bringing ourselves into the present while saying out loud just what it is that sucks so much. 

Run a search on youtube and for EFT tapping to check this out. Emotional Freedom Technique is probably the most potent yet unused tool in my toolbox. It’s fun it’s silly and it really really really works!

There’s no remedy more potent than levity, and doing silly stuff is so frequently the elegant answer to life’s problems, especially when they feel so dark and heavy.  With that said it takes community to share with and externalizing our problems to escape the vice of shame and shame that we’re ashamed of!

It’s really that simple! The trick is just to do it and enjoy yourself! Life is far too short to be bogged down by things no matter how large they seem! Invite levity creativity and support into your life and watch the results! I promise it will be profound.

My style

This site is dedicated to sharing spiritual insight, wellness, and self-improvement. I encourage everyone to take what works for them and to leave the rest. What I have to offer is a couple of decades of dedicated spiritual growth, mindfulness practice, study in dozens of areas of psychology, mysticism and how to be the most effective person possible.

I’m interested in providing a relatively no-frills, content-rich environment to share what I’ve learned with others. Many people don’t have the access to the time and resources that I’ve been blessed with in this life-to dedicate myself to this practice.

With that said, I hope its obvious that this will be a clickbait and affiliate marketing free experience. I’m not interested in attracting people for the sake of adding to a list. What I am interested in are genuine connections, feedback on anything that helped and genuinely, being of service to others in the small way that I’m able to.

Thank you for giving this page your time. I promise to value your time and offer what I have to share.

 

How to live your best life…while being your best self

We all come from backgrounds with challenges in them. One thing that all humans have in common is a past. Our pasts our powerful. They began before our memories could fully grasp and catalog them. They inform our beliefs and assumptions about the world and this is great, as this is how we learn from experience. We don’t have to learn to drive every day because we’ve done it before and our beings adjust to the natural challenges inherent in these rote tasks.

Things become more complicated when we take into account the things that happened before we could make logical sense of the world around us and discern what was important to take away and what was not. Much of what happened to us as children simply made no sense to us, yet we were still incorporating what we thought happened into our day to day lives.

I find that this is usually one of the biggest things that holds people from living their best lives or being their best selves yet we are often unaware of this. So what do we do? Well, if you’re at the point in your life where you’re being held back by some unseen invisible wall, it’s time to start looking for answers as just giving up certainly isn’t going to get you to where you’re going.

I’ll be coming back to this over the coming weeks, discussing the things that we can do to get unstuck and living our best lives. Old memories are one, I will also cover relationship dynamics, self-talk, applied positivity, how to habitually become positive can do and proactive amongst many other tips so that we can begin to achieve the things that we are meant to without any of our internal garbage getting in the way.

I look forward to it! If you have any insights, stories or requests about any part of the healing journey, feel free to send me a message, comment below or shoot me an email @ easertospellthanmyname@gmail.com

Thank you very much! Have a great weekend!

Who I am.

I’ll be writing about the beginnings of my spiritual journey for the next few weeks. This is part one of a multi-part post.

I was born in Providence, RI

My mother had just escaped Washington DC where a threatening partner stalked her.

I was born a bit more attuned to certain things than most people. I had a very sensitive body, with constant allergies a sensitive emotional system; I seemed to always know what other people in the room were feeling, thinking or hiding.
My mind was sensitive, I seemed to learn subjects the moment they were introduced to me. All of this would have been very useful in school but the format of learning that we are all forced through really did not work for me at all.

Luckily I would learn immense amounts by myself. Spending a few hours reading something would reveal the key subjects to me and I could then build upon that knowledge.

Most of all this paved the way for enhanced spirituality and enhanced suffering.

When I was seventeen after a childhood of trauma basically because of how I was made, resulted in me desperately searching for a way out. I was a playwright, finding it very natural to channel my characters onto the stage, I was an activist, vehemently opposing the wars of the day, and dedicating myself to reproductive rights, protesting and lobbying in DC. At one point I was literally the poster boy for the National organization of women. My plays embodied nonviolent confrontation solving in public schools in my area. By all accounts, I was very good at what I did and a self-esteem and confidence were coming to me for the first time in life. I understood who I was and enjoyed what I did.

I was an amateur yogi and meditation practitioner, I had been for about two years. I started because when I was 14 years old I severely wanted to kill myself. I was a hypersensitive freshman at an intense private school in Massachusetts, a place where, to paraphrase someone else, fun went to die. This was not a place where emotional health of any kind came before productivity. They were training us for the workloads of elite universities, which was a stress that I had absolutely no interest in yet I had felt was expected of me since an early age. It just was what i was going to do. What I wanted was never really on the table.

So I meditated. I was in a hostile world that made no sense to me. It just seemed to be a continuous humiliation of being labeled gifted, but with no support. Continually falling short of what was expected of me I was labeled lazy. Some would have called it depressed. I saw suicidality, the desire to kill one’s self as a natural response to what seemed to be an impossible circumstance. I think that most of us who have been here do.

Meditation saved my life.

I began by sitting for five minutes at a time, completely overwhelmed by life and slowly something changed. When I came back home, got politically engaged and finally found my stride, it began to bloom.

I began to notice differences in the world around me, a subtle light seemed to be emanating from the world around me. I was curious. I began to enter a state of intense ecstasy. Intuitive knowledge of ancient yogic practices came to me, I did not know what they were until years later when I read about them.

Tantra, the chakra system and ancient hand symbols seemed to just arise in my consciousness. I knew what they did how they worked and used them in my meditation.

Then I saw a light….and as they say, Shit Got Real.

When I first started to see a white light in meditation I knew I wasn’t alone. I was unaware of the history of this happening to people, but I knew that it was something magical. I had a couple of out of body experiences in meditation leading up to this, but this felt like everything I knew or had experienced was being reorganized. My entire understanding of life, relationships, the universe, the entirety of my experience was being rearranged, like a bundle of cables being separated one by one by some unseen hands.

After every meditation session, I would come back to the room with a new understanding of life, purpose and a

I became acutely aware of all of the unresolved trauma pain and debilitating fear in my life that made me previously want to kill myself. I now had a new lease on life and wanted to live and share and make music and dance, and I did! It was a wonderful time.

Just around the apex of everything going great and meditating regularly, feeling joy and freedom and bliss for the first time in my life feeling happy whole complete, the light was just serving a function. It brought me up to the level of seeing the great amount of work I had to do in life. With that, I had a profound knowing that I was about to crash back down and would have to do all of this work I had read about. This would not be fun but it was of the utmost importance that I completely change and learn to embody the principles I had learned, that I heal from my past, master my mind, my health, my relationships, I would learn a wide array of spiritual, magical and mystical traditions. It was about to get weird.

Starting a series on The divine feminine and masculine

The two forces that make us up are the divine feminine (ascending energy) and the divine masculinity (descending energy).  I’m really not down with gender binaries, however, all of my reading has been in these terms. I can’t wait to cook up some new language around this, but, here we are! Please take this and all of my writing as something to be used at a point in time. The only rule is that you take what you like and leave the rest. 

So what about these manifesting channels? Well, we are basically moving energy from the cosmos and brining it down to earth (yang) and creating more. We are also able to bringing it up from the earth and evolving, creating more space (yin,) becoming more. 

I’ll be using these terms interchangeably with the divine feminine,male/masculine and god/Godess.

Intuition and the manifestation process

The thing about manifestation is that we need a certain set of skills in order to do it properly. I’m sure that many of you have read The Secret and other new age spiritual books and they’re great, and they work, and while there is a lot of problematic victim blaming, in this world they are a great first step towards harnessing our ability to create the life of our dreams.

With this said, the process becomes more complicated as we open up to the spiritual forces that allow us to channel our imagination into reality. First of all, we have to understand on an individual level: How does this actually work in the first place?

There is indeed a method to this ostensible madness. So when we manifest and open to the universe, we are using our 6th (and hopefully) our 7th chakras to connect to our ability to tap into the psychic and spiritual realms, respectively and draw the energy that we desire into our lives.

This is all well and good but in order to live a life of integrity, compassion and love, we have to do so much more than open ourselves to spiritual and psychic realms. A being who has not purified their mind, body, and emotions from the traumas in this world will both be overwhelmed by the premature opening into a greater world.

This is why so many new age devotees seem to be simply floating around in their imagination rather than sharing the world that the rest of us are in. I speak from direct experience, and am not encouraging judgement, but rather offering a path to integration.

Psychospiritual integration can start in any way and at any point in your life. It could be argued that it begins even before we are born but certainly when we draw our first breath.

My experience was that of a spiritual awakening in which my energy centers simultaneously awakened, revealed my path to wholeness and then led me to where I am now. I initially woke up in the standard kundalini awakening, with the standard symptoms of shaking, feeling a profound yet ineffable connection to all that is in the universe, with an almost physical yet etheric atonement to the life force around me.

I don’t think that I had any understanding the chakra system but certainly understood that there was an energy awakening within me that was traveling up my spine, destined to reach the top and it would come back down and that was basically what I had to do. What I learned later is that this process is called a kundalini awakening and shakti returns. There was rapture, love, connection, bliss, awakening to immense pain, trauma, and then, there was a need for it to end.

What I didn’t understand is that it does not end and what was happening-what I perceived as pain love connection, were all just energy sorting itself out. In fact, kundalini has its own intelligence. My energy centers-these balls I saw inside of me-had their own intelligence.

The process of awakening had begun and I was now merely a spectator-but instead of embracing this-I just tried to calm it down and stop it-but the crazy thing is that this energy just does not care about you! And I worry about people who are entering into this arena of growth, as I did long ago without any guidance or warning sings.

Anyway, I was seventeen, literally shaking with rapture and making ancient yogic hand symbols. There was a knowledge that something beautiful was happening and I was going to be perfectly okay and at the same time the conscious mind-the part of self that I identified with, was totally confused.

Now that part still exists. I’m conscious of it. I’m aware off it. But that is the only part that was confused. My body knew what to do. My soul knew what to do yet I was blossoming underneath the conscious sense of self-which was confused. It was confusing suffering with explosions of spirit. It thought it was failing but it was excelling at growth, I was committed for my entire adult life to allowing the flow to overtake that part of us which worries, thinks, and you know I thank it because it was trying to protect me.

The ego took medications and created seveere illnesses, it found solace in lovers and friends and adventures and demanded life or death experiences to let it know that it was truly free and alive.

I think most of all a that moment, when I was seventeen and the white light descended upon me, it waas time for that fictional sense of self to retire. To take a well earned nap.

It had guided me through the loss of my father, the depression of my mother, navigating the demands of modern society on a small child, being raped, tormented, overwhelmed….but most of all it kept me here while my soul yearned for home.

My ego thought that hte only way back home was to die. So for years I fought off the desire to end my life because I remembered how great things were before. What I was to learn is that it is my right-all of our dive RIGHTS to create a home here, on earth where our souls and flourish. And this is possible. And I’m going to dedicate the rest of my life to making that possible.

It seems to be my truth that in fact energy and our bodies are one. It’s not mind that is the problem…there is no problem. Butthe truth is that mind is a tool to be used by being. At our heart we are one with the universe. We can read books about chakras and manifestation and spirituality but all of this is to get mind to a point where it realizes that reality, true reality is an ocean in which we are both the entirety and a part…and when we transcend mind this reality is not dual but one continuous flow of energy. And embodying and being that truth is what creates the world in which we can all be truly free.

Being the Best Possible Self

So many of us want to be the best that we can but such things can seem daunting. Being our best self, I view is something that we aspire to rather than necessarily achieve. We can all strive for this. In fact it’s our job to.

It doesn’t have to be impossible though. It’s all about skillful prioritization of goals and then breaking those goals into manageable chunks. I like to think of them as munchable achievements. Instead of quitting smoking, why not find a way to slowly reduce your nicotine levels? Instead of dedication to that diet why not simply focus on eating more healthy food at first, then slowly replacing those foods with your old vices?

I like to set timelines for these things, as an amazing woman reminded me the other day, we have to have timelines to keep us on track. Our timelines have to be compassionate. Immediate jarring changes don’t work for all of us. These are the people, like me that I’m writing to.

How do we prioritize in the first place? It’s all about thinking about your ideal life, and working backwards.

First I want to be healthy happy wealthy and wise. Okay, what does that look like for me? Make a startup, do yoga daily, quit my vices and be present and mindful. What actions achieve this? Working on business, going to yoga class, slowly reducing caffeine and daily meditation.

Now the best part, what’s preventing me from doing these things? This is where it gets deep. It may be something psychological, physiological or environmental. You’re probably not just lazy. There’s something else going on there. It’s your job to figure out what is holding you back. So how?

Well psychologically you might want to journal, find a therapist or just talk to a friend. Physiological things are harder to figure out. Doctors often get these things wrong but pay attention to your body. What makes you feel good is probably all that you have to figure out. You might have a serious condition in which you need professional help. Perhaps you simply lack the skills to organize yourself. That’s fine. You’re not a failure, in fact you’re aspiring to a beautiful life. There are many books on the subject.

What do you do to keep motivated and accountable to these goals and solving these problems? Make yourself accountable to someone else. I just tell everyone in my life what I’m striving towards and how I’m doing them. Then I check in with 3-4 friends a day to keep me on track. Is this overkill? I don’t know but it works. 

So those are my thoughts on self improvement for the day. Do these work for you? Be sure to tell me.